Reflections on 2019
Hey patrons,
It’s a chilly December evening, and I’m in my dining area, taking a moment to reflect on this year. I want to separate this reflection into three parts:
(I) Personal Reflections
(II) More To That
(III) My Five Favorite Books I Read in 2019
This post will be an informal one, so if you feel like one of those parts might interest you more than the other, then feel free to skip around =). All right, with that said, let’s get into it.
(I) Personal Reflections
In March 2019, I informed readers that my wife and I would be spending an extended period of time in Korea with my parents. Well, we did just that, and I returned back to North America in August, resulting in a 5-month stay abroad.
I understand that everyone has their own dynamics they share with their parents, but for me, this was an experience I absolutely loved, and one that I feel so blessed to have had.
Since my parents live in Korea, my usual trips there would only be about 3 weeks long (which was all the vacation time my job would provide). If you’re in my situation and your parents live far away, it can be hard to know what life is like for them. You might get glimpses of it whenever you FaceTime them or spend an extended weekend with them, but you’re probably unsure of how they interact with one another on a regular basis, or what an ordinary, boring Tuesday is like for them.
Well, for the first time ever, I was able to spend months in Korea with them, and it gave me so much insight into what everyday life was like for my parents. To sum it up, life is very… ordinary and pleasant for my folks =).
They wake up every morning together and pray, they share laughs when something silly happens, they have minor arguments when they’re annoyed, they both have their work schedules during the day, they watch TV together at night, and they genuinely enjoy one another’s company. My mom refers to my dad as her best friend, and I think she really means that.
Additionally, my wife was there with me, and that was also a wonderful experience. When my wife first told people that she would be spending an extended period of time abroad with her in-laws, some people told her to be careful and were shocked at that decision.
It’s ridiculous how conventional wisdom tells people that an extended time with your in-laws will be frustrating, and so many people assume that without experiencing it firsthand. In my experience, that piece of “wisdom” is utter horseshit, as my parents love my wife. Seeing how my parents interacted with her on a daily basis really warmed my heart, and it was a reminder of how fortunate I am to have a wonderful wife and an amazing family.
My five months abroad taught me some powerful lessons about parents:
(a) If you parents are healthy and able, spend as much time as you can with them now. Don’t wait until they are sick, or are helplessly on a hospital bed. The best time to create memories are when they’re vibrant, not when they are incapacitated.
(b) Holiday/vacation visits are cool, but they won’t give you real insight into the normality of your parents’ lives. There’s something about observing a “boring,” consistent routine that allows you to see how someone truly lives their life. If you can, try taking an entire week instead of a weekend to be with your folks. It makes a big difference.
(c) There’s a power in letting them know that you’re there for them. Don’t assume that your parents would rather not tell you how they’re feeling or how they’re doing. They go through the same cycles of ups, downs, triumphs, and difficulties as you do. I’ve found that as time goes by, they can be more willing to open up about these cycles, and if you happen to be present while they’re going through them, that will help them out a lot. I had so many great conversations with my parents about their pasts, their concerns, their happy moments, etc. while I was there. It was great.
When I think about 2019 from a personal standpoint, I will think of this 5-month period I got to spend with them. I’m not sure if it will ever happen again, so I made sure to cherish it while I had it.
(II) More To That
In March 2019, I quit my full-time corporate job for two reasons:
(1) To enable me to go to Korea for a few months, and
(2) To work on More To That.
Well, I’m back in the States, and I still don’t have that corporate job. That means More To That is my job now, and that’s both exciting and challenging.
Let’s start with the challenging part.
This is the first time in five years where a predictable paycheck isn’t coming in every 2 weeks, and that’s something that could be a bit scary. However, since my wife and I have been preparing for this year for quite some time, we’ve done a good job saving money, so this issue doesn’t really scare us. Fortunately, money doesn’t tend to be a “freak-out” problem anyway, and that’s something that allows us to pursue the things that we want for the time being. And of course, if things change, we know we can adapt.
The more challenging part for me is how I want to create content for More To That and have it become a viable business.
In my opinion, More To That is not your traditional blog. Most blogs put up 3-5 pieces of new content a week, pumping out stuff as quickly as possible. If I’m working quickly, I can put out one piece of content a week, but sometimes I won’t post for an entire month (or even more).
That’s because each post I do can take a lot of time. Some posts have taken me over 100 hours to do, and others even more than that (the two posts on anxiety took a really, really long time).
I do believe that quality is super important, but I must admit that quantity does have a quality of its own. When you post more content, you’re taking more shots on goal, so the probability of a post spreading increases with frequency.
So from September through November, I did a little experiment and posted almost every Wednesday, all while trying my best to preserve quality. Here were the traffic results:
See those three dots at the end? You guessed it. September, October, November. I guess quantity does have a quality of its own.
However, I found this to be quite exhausting. Writing a good post every week is one thing, but having to draw a bunch of illustrations for it is another. Also, post ideas don’t magically appear. I get them through a lot of reading, listening, thinking, conversing, etc., and these things require time as well.
So in December, I’m just posting once (here’s the new post!), and I’m thinking of how I want to treat my posting schedule come January. Maybe I’ll do a marathon of sprints, where I post frequently for a month or two, then slow down, then do it again. Or there might be a period of time where I’m working on a mega-post so there may be nothing for a while. Or perhaps it’s a mix of everything. It’s hard to say, but determining my posting schedule has been a challenge for me.
But of course, here’s where the exciting part comes in. I’m super excited that these are the problems I get to solve every day =). I’m incredibly fortunate to have an audience that connects with my work, and one that actually cares about the thoughts I have in my mind.
At the time of this writing, there are almost 6,000 subscribers on the More To That mailing list, and over 60 patrons (you guys!) that support this work directly. There are also over 19,000 people following More To That on Medium.
Sometimes it can be mind-boggling to know that thousands of people read this stuff, and while that’s cool, it can also bring weird feelings like self-doubt into the picture as well.
Self-doubt can make me feel like I’m not making much progress, no matter what any number says. It can scream that I’m not good enough, that this blog doesn’t know where the fuck it’s going when it comes to its business model. It can make me feel like I don’t deserve anyone’s attention, and can make me wonder if I’m in any position to write about the things I like writing about.
I struggle with self-doubt too, but when I do, I just remind myself that it only exists because I care about this endeavor so much (something I’ve written about in The Quest to the Unlived Life). I care deeply about the connection I have with my readers, the people that send me emails, the patrons that support this work, and everything else that stems from this blog.
The fact that self-doubt exists is a good reminder that I just need to carry on. It’s a good indicator that this challenge is one worth embarking on, and one I’m willing to fight for.
So as you read this, just know that I’m so thankful you’re on this journey with me. I’m figuring things out as I go, but it’s comforting to know that you patrons are here with me as I navigate this ship through these uncertain waters.
(III) My Five Favorite Books I Read in 2019
2019 had to be the best year ever when it came to reading. Not only did I read the most books this year than any year of my life, I just read so much high-quality shit.
I’m just going to list five of my favorites here, and for some of these, keep in mind that I haven’t even finished them yet. Regardless, I still would recommend them based on what I’ve read so far alone.
Here they are:
(1) Exhalation by Ted Chiang: I’m not really a fiction guy, but holy shit, you need to read this. It’s a collection of short science fiction stories written by the brilliant Ted Chiang. The stories “The Truth of Fact, the Truth of Feeling” and “Anxiety Is the Dizziness of Freedom” are worth the price of this book alone.
(2) Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari: I know, I know, this book is played out, yadda yadda. But if you haven’t read it, you need to read it. It really is that good.
(3) The Signal and the Noise by Nate Silver: This book helped reframe my perspective on risk and forecasting it properly. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, just read Chapter 1 (“A Catastrophic Failure of Prediction”), Chapter 5 (“Desperately Seeking Signal”), and Chapter 8 (“Less and Less and Less Wrong”). These are probably the only chapters you need to read.
(4) Influence by Robert Cialdini: This book is super easy to read, yet packed with science-backed anecdotes on the psychology of persuasion. I wrote a post on one of the studies referenced in this book.
(5) Rationality: From AI to Zombies by Eliezer Yudkowsky: This one is a collection of blog posts written on the LessWrong blog. I’ve learned so much from it, especially in regard to cognitive biases and morality.
All right! There you have it, a thorough reflection on 2019. In summary, it’s been a great year, and I’m looking forward to bringing the next one in =).
I hope your year has treated you well, and once again, thank you so much for your continued support. It really is amazing to do this work, and your support helps to make that possible.
Happy holidays to you and your loved ones!
-Lawrence
